The importance of positive self-talk

'Self-talk is important in many ways. It’s the script that we use to frame our lives. If we constantly give ourselves negative messages, then we begin to develop automatic thoughts that take us from a particular incident to a negative emotional reaction. Conversely, if we engage in positive self-talk, we begin to view the world in a more positive manner and will ultimately feel better about ourselves. We can’t always control what happens, but we can control how we react to it!' -Tim Legg.

The power of that little voice inside our heads is staggering. Positive self-talk doesn't come naturally to many people. We live in a society that often sets unreasonable standards for most areas of our lives: what to wear, the types of jobs we should do, when we should achieve certain goals and how much money we should be making at a particular age. When we don't live up to these standards, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others instead of embracing our imperfections and encouraging ourselves.

Challenge yourself to cultivate positive thoughts and dispel the negative ones. With practice, it can become more natural to think good thoughts.

The way you talk to (and about) yourself is also important because you're basically teaching other people how to talk to (and about) you. So, if you go through life saying things like "I am not good enough", "I can't do this/ that", "I am not attractive enough" and so on; you and the people around you will eventually expect just that, and nothing more. There is obviously nothing wrong with feeling down, and we need those days, but we also need to be careful of how we identify ourselves. Because the way we talk to and about ourselves eventually forms part of who we are. Whether out loud or internally, everything we say eventually becomes a proclamation of self. So make sure you're doing what you can not to pollute your mind with thoughts that will cripple your mind.

Be yourself, unapologetically

Positive self-talk starts with self-love; and accepting yourself as you are. When you can accept yourself wholly, you become your biggest cheerleader, confidant and own best friend. You begin to love yourself more and seek less love and validation from others. When this happens, it becomes infinitely easier to have a positive internal dialogue. Don't be too critical of yourself; everyone has something about themselves that they would like to improve, but that doesn't make you unworthy of self-love and a healthy, positive mindset. Do you, boo.

Don't rely on others to give you what you need

One of the biggest lessons I have learned this year is that I should never rely on someone else to make me feel good. Human beings are flawed, and we will all eventually disappoint the people in our lives; whether we mean to do it or not. It's important to pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings and your body. How do you react in certain situations? How do certain people make you feel when you are around them? Are these feelings negative or positive? Listen to the deepest cravings of your soul. Really get to know yourself and what your needs are. Be the primary provider of those needs so that when people inevitably begin to exit your life, you may feel sad, but you won't feel empty. You'll be able to pick yourself up with your positive internal-dialogue.

Actively avoid people and situations that will trigger negative thoughts and feelings

The great thing about being in your twenties is the ability to be very picky about who you spend your time with. If you don't particularly like someone, the way they talk to you or how you feel when you've interacted with them, you can honestly just back off. You don't even owe anyone an explanation. However, if you once had a really close relationship with this person, I think it's a good idea to do some adulting and have an open, honest conversation about why you're choosing to distance yourself from them. It's better not to part with anyone on a sour note. Even if someone makes you feel bad, try not to return the favour. Make sure that you continue to be the kind person that I know you are. Make sure that no one can speak ill of you simply because of how you parted ways; because months and/ or years of love can be forgotten in one minute of anger. Don't let anyone catch you out of character.

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your family or closest friends

(Unless you're a complete jerk) You wouldn't tell someone you love that they aren't good enough, smart enough, or that they look fat in a certain outfit. You would make sure that you speak to them with love and respect; because you value the relationship that you have with them and would never want to hurt them on purpose. Sadly, many of us are much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. That's nothing to feel guilty about; but I've personally realised the increasing need to be kinder to myself, especially in my twenties. There is so much uncertainty, joy, disappointment, hurt, love and so much more. With all the chaos happening around us, the least we can do is try to stay grounded and be kind to ourselves. When you feel down, show up for yourself the same way you would show up for a friend who is going through a rough time in their life. You are just as important; and there is no way you are going to be able to help others if you cannot even help yourself. Be selfish sometimes, spend time alone, put your own needs first so that you can also start to see yourself as someone who is reliable.

Negative energy is just as contagious as positive energy. It leaves you feeling scared, anxious, annoyed and sometimes despondent. We need to find ways to silence the noise of other people's voices and be kinder to ourselves. These are skills we have to continuously work on; and I don't think we will ever really be done learning in life. Be there for yourself. Allow yourself to heal, to grow, to feel, to express. Be compassionate and understanding to yourself. Most importantly , check on yourself. Every single day.

#selfcare #health #confidence #love