Useful things you can do for a friend who’s currently struggling with their mental health

I want to preface this post by saying that I am not a medical professional. The points I make are lessons I've learned through research, practice and observation. If a loved one is struggling with their mental health, please contact a medical professional or the national helpline. That being said, here are some things you can do to help someone currently struggling:

Offer to help, even with the smallest things

Mental illnesses can be debilitating; they can cause unusual changes in moods, energy and one's ability to think clearly. If you can help your friend in even the smallest way, they're likely to appreciate it. You can offer to help with some chores around their home, help them book any appointments and go with them, offer to get them something to eat or just be present if that's what they want. Understand that your role is to support, not to "heal". So, if your friend isn't doing cartwheels when you visit them or bring them food, it's okay. It's not a light switch; they will be better with time. You are there so that they know they are not alone.

Be mindful of the language you use around them

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with challenges. When you are trying to support a friend through a difficult time, avoid saying things like 'you will get over it' or 'man up' or 'you don't look depressed'. No one walks around with a neon 'depressed' sign. Make sure your friend knows that their feelings are valid.

Don't take anything personally

This is something that many people may struggle with, and it's understandable. But you need to situate yourself outside of the challenge; and understand that your friend isn't distancing themselves or being quieter than usual because of something you did. When you are able to remember this, supporting your friend becomes a lot easier. Try your best to support them, but if the aren't receptive, be patient, because people don't experience mental health issues the same.

"Sometimes a friend with depression will say 'no' to a lot of things and decline all or most of your invitations. This can make you feel like you're overstepping boundaries and should immediately leave them alone until they reach out to you themselves. Pay attention to this feeling: it's true that when people keep saying 'no' to things you ask, it's probably a good idea to stop asking. However, depression can also cause people to say 'no' while they could say yes. The way to deal with this is not to assume, but to just ask directly: 'You've said no the past few times I've invited you to something. That's okay, but I just wanted to check; would you like me to keep inviting you?'. I've done this before and they often respond that they do want me to keep asking, and they hope that one of these days, they'll be able to say 'yes'" (Twitter.com/sondosia, Some advice on Supporting Friends with Depression).

Let them know that you care

Not everyone likes talking about their feelings. But it will be comforting for your friend to know that if they do decide to open up, someone will be ready to listen. Also remember not to offer uninformed and unsolicited advice, even though you might mean well. Sometimes people simply want to say what they are thinking out loud.