'No' is a full sentence

Okay, if you haven’t read Sarah Knight’s The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, you should do so ASAP, because that’s what inspired this post. Knight’s book is about ‘how to stop spending time you don’t have, doing things you don’t want to do, with people you don’t like’. It’s bold, witty, and super relatable. I think we all need to read it; especially if you’re someone that feels overwhelmed with guilt and shame when you say ‘no’ to people.

1. Saying ‘no’ is liberating and you will have more time to do the things you actually want to do The problem with saying ‘yes’ all the time and not wanting to disappoint people is that it’s all fun and games until you actually have to go to Jenny’s house party, or that reunion or to brunch with someone you really have no business sitting through a meal with. You end up stressed, grouchy and resentful because you never really wanted to do any of those things to begin with. Next time you’re asked to do something or go somewhere, rather take time to think about the commitment you’re about to make, to avoid putting yourself in unnecessary, avoidable situations. Because there’s nothing worse than making plans with people and then not even wanting to leave your house when the day finally arrives. It will feel like an unwanted obligation rather than something you genuinely want to do.

2. You actually don’t need a reason/ an explanation You don’t have to be rude about it, but just say ‘no’ if you don’t want to go. It’s literally that simple. Saying ‘yes’ almost never requires an explanation, so why should you need one now? You don’t need to come up with some excuse about how you would love to do something or go somewhere but can’t because your grandmother’s cousin’s fish died and you need to be supportive. If you’d rather sit at home in your sweatpants watching Sleepless in Seattle for the 10th time eating last night’s leftovers then that’s perfectly okay and you really don’t owe anyone an explanation. If that’s what you’d rather do with your time then kudos to you.

3. You’re allowed to put your needs first You can’t always be there for others and sacrifice your own well-being. Maybe you want to be liked, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything according to everyone else’s time. Your time and your needs matter. Saying ‘no’ means being assertive and acknowledging the fact that you matter. If saying ‘yes’ will result in you being anxious, uncomfortable and bitter, then you should rather think of something else to do with your time. Something that will make you feel happy and guilt-free. And if you’d rather not do anything at all that day, even better.

4. The ‘f**k budget’ This is probably my favourite part of Knight’s book. Basically, the idea is to create a budget of f**ks to give, the same way you would create a budget and allocate your funds with a monthly salary. Having one of these would make saying no infinitely easier and you probably wouldn’t even feel that bad about it because you’d be putting yourself first. You’d be able to prioritise the things you want to do (at the top of your f**k budget), and say ‘no’ to the things you would rather not do. Bonus: you also probably wouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself because you would have priorised what’s important to you and no one can really argue with you about that. ‘In order to maximize your potential for happiness, you need to consider outcomes before committing to giving your f**ks. Your time, energy and/ or money spent should result in greater happiness for you’- S. Knight.

So, just to recap, we shouldn’t go around disrespectfully declining every invitation and hurting people’s feelings. Be gracious and know the kind of response to give in a situation. You don’t have to bluntly say ‘no’. Try ‘no thank you, maybe some other time?’- Or something similar. That way, no one is too upset. It’s just important to learn to say ‘no’ and to make deliberate choices that will benefit you and not leave you feeling distressed.

#selfcare #lifestyle #relationships